Tag Archives: emotion

I’m not sure what the time zone is

22 Oct

I am in a rare state today. I don’t know whether I am up or down….but what I am sure of is that i am happy. This “happy” is terrifying and beautiful all at once, and as much as I enjoy it I am ignorant of how to proceed. The most mundane of things even seem somehow more magnificent. I think this is what one might call being absolutely in love.


13 May

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  Not that anyone really noticed, but I miss it. I’ve been so busy enjoying life that I’ve neglected to update. Totally justifiable reason…just sayin’.

I want to share something I realized just now and is a vitally important factor to me. Tonight, I went on a date with Thomas.  I cherish every moment I get to spend with him more and more. It doesn’t get dull, or repetitive. We don’t have a “pattern” we’ve adapted to. We just thoroughly enjoy being around one another, and, as far as I can remember, always have.

On my way back to my place, he asked me to let him know when I made it home safe. So…

I sit here on my bed, with all my belongings around me, with a roof over my head… and realize: I am not home. It does not feel like home, it doesn’t smell like home. I felt empty when I sent him a text, just a few seconds after I walked in, after I took that feeling in, telling him I had made it to my place.

But this is not home. My heart isn’t here. It’s 32 minutes away in another city.

I long to be home. ❤

Weekend catch up

29 Mar

Saturday I got to celebrate my birthday with my best of friends in The Tri! We had a great time…unfortunately, I once again, forgot my camera. We had dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Their “Hot and Bleu salad” is fantastic! After dinner we went to a nifty little bar to chill and meet up with some other friends who didn’t show until after Thomas and I left. I got lots of cards from friends and family, all of which made me smile 🙂 and I’m pretty sure I got the best present that I could ever get, too.

I have been SO sleepy for the past couple of days. I hope I can get rested up, but I’m not sure how. Sleep? Hasn’t been working, but I’ll give it another go later. Maybe it’s just stress. Between my car being messed up and in the shop and letting some people be a more powerful outside force than I had realized, I think I’m a bit overwhelmed. Perhaps I should disengage for a few days. I already know that there are some things/people that I will have to purge from my life in order to focus on my own needs. I’m sure that sounds selfish, but I can’t enjoy the positive within my life if they are projecting their negativity on me. I just don’t understand why some people feel the need to blame others, rather than accept and move on.

With that said…

I went a couple of weeks ago to see Avatar. That was an amazingly beautiful movie. Beyond just the graphics, 3D has come so far. Wow! I really want to go see “How to Train Your Dragon” (in 3D). It’s going to be so cute!

I hope everyone has a great week! ❤

This is a happy blog. No :( here, promise!

3 Mar

I am a beautiful, vivacious, adventurous, overall happy gal. I’m not particularly cocky, but I am proud of myself for many things. I do try not to be boastful.  I say this, to say that I know I am not perfect by overall standards. I have plenty of “flaws” that several people recently have been all too happy to point out to me. But you know what? I am the most perfect Laila Ann possible! I am okay with that. I learn from my mistakes, I grow and become a better person. And if you know me, I don’t have to give you reasons to like me or want to spend time with me, because you just know I’m bouncy and quirky in a good way!  I have a lot to offer to the people in my life, if they’ll open up and let me. The only thing I can do, is be the best at being me and be true to myself. For better or worse that’s what you get with me! ❤

(just as a note, I hope maybe if you are having some issues that you realize that you can be a perfect you 🙂 …you don’t have to try to be a perfect someone else )

Much love to you all ❤

Tiny Update

22 Feb

Recently I’ve been having a ball!  I’ve gotten to mark several things that I had wanted to do off my list. A lot of exploring has been done! I hope to get pics up as soon as I can find my cord to my camera.

Also, I’m working out like I’ve wanted to. I’ve lost a lot of weight and am really excited about  that! Today, Chelsea and I went to Rita’s for birthday cake flavor Italian Ice! Woot! I can’t wait for Spring so I can play tennis. I love it and miss it.  And hopefully I’ll get to be bowling this week although I doubt the person who I really want to go, will go right now. But I’m gonna have fun either way!! lol.

The only crummy thing as of late has been a persistent headache for about four days, that yesterday culminated in a debilitating migraine. I was so sick, I was seeing double and I am out of my meds :(.  I just laid around in bed praying it would go away. There was a little bird though that decided my window unit for my bedroom was the place to hang out and it about drove me to tears every time he moved. I even turned my heater off because the sound of it cutting on and off was making me nauseated. I was better off in layers. lol.  At least now it has past, I have some eye pain just from squinting, but it seems to be gone for good!

I hope everyone has a good week!!

A letter to Love

21 Jan

I have been given a lot to think about in the past week. I have thought of everything from where I want to be 6 months from now, what type of relationship I want, if chances come again and if forgiveness is something other people possess.

Dear Love,

You scare me. You embody so many emotions other than your namesake. Sometimes…. you’ve lead me on, you mislead me, you make me cry, and you pass through lips haphazardly and bring me hope and joy. For the most part you give me sheer bliss, an appetite for all of life and happiness. I do suppose fools rush in, but you make it so easy. Why can’t you be fiery and hopeful at the same time? Why can’t you balance between two lovers and keep it steady? Why do you jump in and tell me how much I mean, and then shrink away when it seems all too tangible?

So now Love, I am scared out of my mind. I’ve been rash and expected too much from your offerings. I can’t work on you alone. I am hopeful, and forgiving, sad and feeling as though I am doing right and wrong at the same time. You’ve gained and lost me friends in the past, and I’m sure the future will be no different. I do know that when one door gets slammed in your face, another is surely bound to open in response…but a cracked and chained door with a really mean dog guarding it, isn’t what I had in mind. I’ve been lucky, as more than one door has opened. If two people are supposed to be together why make it so hard? But, then again, maybe they weren’t and maybe it wasn’t.

But, I am open to you and yet, I am closed. You have given me many beautiful experiences and I will forever cherish them. I cannot move as quickly as a could have before because of multiple circumstances that you have laid before me. So, everything is going very slowly and may even come to a halt, but I have to find out what is out there for me. I have to forgive myself and work on some things that I didn’t really know I needed to until a few days ago.

I have no idea what I’m doing, or where it leads, but I am walking through an open door without a chain, because I have to know.

Always hopeful- LailaAnn

Fate is something I do believe in, but it’s what you do with that initial nudge that makes the difference in the end.

15 Jan

I suppose I am in a writing mood today I have worked on a short story that I put away some time ago, written in my journal and am now on my 2nd blog. So, to anyone who takes the time out of your busy schedule to read my ramblings, thank you. Even if I don’t know who you are, I appreciate the comments.

I want to stress to everyone just how important time is. It is a precious commodity and no one seems to have enough of it. Money and gifts are not a substitute. Nothing to me says that you care more than showing me that I am worth your time. I have the desire sometimes to be moody, or peaceful, or happy, or content alone, but, for the most part I really enjoy being around people. I am adventurous. I love going and doing,but I also really enjoy spending quite time with people, watching a movie, cooking/eating dinner, just having another live human being around. …this requires time from more than one party. What makes this so insanely hard is I work nights and finding people on similar schedules, and things to do during that time is almost null. (And I really miss the sunlight on a regular basis) So for the most part I warp my sleep schedules on my days off to accommodate the general population’s so that I have time for my friends and loved ones.

But, at some point, there won’t be the option to spend time with the people you care about.  Make time, make arrangements to see the people you want to keep in your life. Because if they don’t feel like they are worth it, they move on to friends that do.

We never know what’s really going to happen tomorrow. It is a waste of time to be mad, angry, or sad all the time. These are important emotions and we need them. But, don’t waste your time on these things when there is joy out there and  people who want to share theirs with you.  Tell and show the people you love how much you love them. I try to tell my friends often and I hope they know I do.

So thank you again to those who take the time to read this, to make me feel loved and important.Every day, every moment is a blessing, I hope (even though it’s a ramble) that you take something from what I’ve said.

I cannot be anyone other than myself…and, frankly, that’s more than just “good enough”

14 Jan

Lot of things have changed. Some changes I’ve accepted. some I haven’t. I’m happy with myself….really, why shouldn’t I be happy with the person I am. I am bright, pretty, funny, adventurous, outgoing, caring, loving, and loyal. I would hope that people see and embrace these qualities that I like about myself, but I cannot make them. I know it’s really odd, but I’m okay right now with not knowing. Although I’d like some answers from different people, I’m more willing to just accept the things in life that come my way.

Curiosity Kills the Cat

31 Dec

…in my case it causes the cat to over analyze, and then think that since the questions go unanswered that the cat has completely failed.

Okay, okay, I’m not really talking about a cat here…. I let emotion take over, I wasn’t thinking, I just was feeling. Which is my preference because I think WAY too much. When my rational side decided to show up for the party, I was just feeling the warmth, the breathing, listening to my own music.  Then I started to think at triple speed to make up for it’s absence.

Speaking of music, trying to explain to someone how I listen to music is very difficult. I don’t just hear it, I feel it, I let it consume me intentionally. I need music like I need water. When I can’t breathe, I let the rhythm dictate my respiratory rate.  When I need to just let go and let myself be me, when I need to remind myself of who I am, music lets me. I learn best with music, if I need to channel an emotion I use music. I don’t have to think, I just feel. I love to dance. I don’t care how it looks or what anyone else thinks about my technique, it makes me smile.

So just in case you care, here’s the playlist that I’ve been rockin’ the last few days.

  • Wolf Like Me – TV on the Radio*
  • Daylight – Matt & Kim
  • Bad Things – Jace Everette
  • Starstuck – Lady GaGa, Space Cowboy & Flo Rida
  • Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
  • Supermassive Black Hole – Muse
  • Electric Feel – MGMT
  • Again Again – Lady GaGa
  • The Seed (2.0) – The Roots & Cody Chestnutt
  • Symphonies – Dan Black

*Wolf Like Me: Pretty much for the past day I’ve listened to it probably 50 times if not more. I tried to describe it to someone who I’m not real certain of their musical preference, but I think it’s pretty wide range like mine. After running through a few terms that really didn’t accurately describe it once it came out, I settled upon “sinful” but it feels good. haha. But I just can’t get it out of my head, I feel a compulsion to listen to it over and over and over again.